Post by X on Dec 17, 2005 1:58:53 GMT -5
Please forgive me. Even as I write the words, they ring so hollow. My mistakes, no my CHOICES they cannot be undone, much less forgiven. How all this came to pass..and the truth about Weapon X. Had it ended there, would I be less of a monster? Or more? Would I even know the difference? Of course I don't have to tell you about monsters. Your life is defined by monsters.
Replicating the mutant genome proved difficult but rebuilding Weapon X seemed all but impossible. For every enzyme, for every codon, for every sequence we repaired, or even built back from near nothingness, we seemed to be missing a million more. But I felt alive. The work, the failure, the challenge. It was like a brilliant light, shinning inside me. I felt...like my life had a purpose. What a fool I was. I was defiant in the face of my failures. I was determined to succeed out of spite. Weeks passed....I was working on two projects, living two lives. I was used to that. I had kept secrets before. It seems so incredible to me now, that in all that time, given everything that I knew..what I was doing and what the end result would bear...I didn't give it a second thought. I told myself that you weren't real. I told myself that this was science..not life. I was creating a weapon...not a child. I was wrong.
When I was little, I always believed that everything that happened to me.I deserved. That we ALL get what we deserve. Maybe I was right. I asked you for your forgiveness before. Now I'm TELLING you, Don't forgive me. Don't forgive ANY of us for what we did, Ever.
I remember everything...everything we did to you. And you deserve to know why we did these things. Your training was designed to strip you of your humanity. After all, in the eyes of the Program, you weren't human..you were a Weapon. A weapon I willingly conceived for them. Our orders were to keep you from gaining any sense of self. Something they said would compromise our ability to control you. We were never to treat you as a child, only as a weapon. But not everyone followed these orders. I'm grateful for that.
Sutter wanted to complete your construction. But that wasn't possible while your healing factor was dormant. You would never survive the surgery. So, Rice was given the permission to take whatever steps necessary to activate your x-genes. He chose radiation poisoning. You nearly died that day. Unfortunatly, Rice was right,the radiation worked. Now nothing stood in their way..especially me. I only found out later what happened. That your claws were extracted one by one. That he sharpened, then coated them with the indestructible metal ADAMANTIUM, out side of your body. It was never supposed to be like that. So much wasn't. I should have known what was coming. Not that I could have prevented it..but I would have tried. I'm sorry, so sorry.
I wanted to understand why we were doing this. I told Martin I needed to understand why you had to publicly kill an innocent man, his family and so many others. So, he told me..He said, 'it's simple. You can't sell anything without advertising.' That's what this was all about. The buying and selling of lives for profit. Not saving the world, or taking it over. No, this was about money, A lot of it. Martin sold you for a million dollars a pound and as you know by now, there was no shortage of buyers.
Rice was right. I didn't matter. Not to them, Not to you. Not to anyone. All I could do was watch while you were forced to kill..and kill..And kill...And Kill. You killed Royalty, Godfathers, Drug Lords, Dictators, Assassins..Anyone..Everyone for a price. For three long years, you murdered without fail. Every target they marked you killed. Every time limit they set, you beat. Every rendezvous point they plotted you reached...except one. The one where Rice was waiting for you.
When Rice came back from the mission and told us what happened..He said that you didn't make the Rendezvous in time. That he had to abort the mission when they started taking fire. And that he saw you die. But I didn't want to believe him. You never told me what happened, How you survived. How you made your way back. Why didn't you tell me? For so long I held myself above Sutter and Rice. They made you kill.They were the ones using you. But all it took was one phone call to open my eyes and see I was just like them.
I always assumed it was Rice that cut you. He hurt you so many times in the past, he almost killed you twice. I never wanted to believe that it was you. The damage I've done, I can never forgive myself.
You couldn't stop what Rice made you do. But somehow you managed to save Henry and to tell me the truth. Which means there is hope, you showed me we failed, you are not a Weapon. You are a Child. Always remember you are not to blame. You didn't pick this life. We....forced it upon you. The blood that you have spilled is on my hands, not yours. And please understand why I must ask you to kill one last time. Because tonight what you do is right. Tonight, what you save is justice. Tonight you take back the life we stole from you.
I never wanted a family. My father stripped me of that desire. He took my childhood..My innocence...My life. And then I took yours. I became what I hated and feared the most....and you became my victim.
But then you showed me hope. Not when you saved Megan, but when you saved Henry. You showed me that we can choose to be something other than what we have been forced to be. That we can be something better than what we believe we are. And in that moment, you saved my life. All that matters to me now is that I save yours.
I wish we could just run away without anymore bloodshed. But if we don't stop them, they will never stop. They will do it all over again. They've already started.
After tonight we'll just keep moving and never look back. We'll start a new life..Have a future...Be a family. I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you these things. There is so much more that I want to tell you, and I will...But one thing you must always remember. No matter what has happened and no matter what may come. You are a child not a weapon. You are my child, you are my daughter and I love you. I will always love you, Laura.
Your mother
Sarah
Replicating the mutant genome proved difficult but rebuilding Weapon X seemed all but impossible. For every enzyme, for every codon, for every sequence we repaired, or even built back from near nothingness, we seemed to be missing a million more. But I felt alive. The work, the failure, the challenge. It was like a brilliant light, shinning inside me. I felt...like my life had a purpose. What a fool I was. I was defiant in the face of my failures. I was determined to succeed out of spite. Weeks passed....I was working on two projects, living two lives. I was used to that. I had kept secrets before. It seems so incredible to me now, that in all that time, given everything that I knew..what I was doing and what the end result would bear...I didn't give it a second thought. I told myself that you weren't real. I told myself that this was science..not life. I was creating a weapon...not a child. I was wrong.
When I was little, I always believed that everything that happened to me.I deserved. That we ALL get what we deserve. Maybe I was right. I asked you for your forgiveness before. Now I'm TELLING you, Don't forgive me. Don't forgive ANY of us for what we did, Ever.
I remember everything...everything we did to you. And you deserve to know why we did these things. Your training was designed to strip you of your humanity. After all, in the eyes of the Program, you weren't human..you were a Weapon. A weapon I willingly conceived for them. Our orders were to keep you from gaining any sense of self. Something they said would compromise our ability to control you. We were never to treat you as a child, only as a weapon. But not everyone followed these orders. I'm grateful for that.
Sutter wanted to complete your construction. But that wasn't possible while your healing factor was dormant. You would never survive the surgery. So, Rice was given the permission to take whatever steps necessary to activate your x-genes. He chose radiation poisoning. You nearly died that day. Unfortunatly, Rice was right,the radiation worked. Now nothing stood in their way..especially me. I only found out later what happened. That your claws were extracted one by one. That he sharpened, then coated them with the indestructible metal ADAMANTIUM, out side of your body. It was never supposed to be like that. So much wasn't. I should have known what was coming. Not that I could have prevented it..but I would have tried. I'm sorry, so sorry.
I wanted to understand why we were doing this. I told Martin I needed to understand why you had to publicly kill an innocent man, his family and so many others. So, he told me..He said, 'it's simple. You can't sell anything without advertising.' That's what this was all about. The buying and selling of lives for profit. Not saving the world, or taking it over. No, this was about money, A lot of it. Martin sold you for a million dollars a pound and as you know by now, there was no shortage of buyers.
Rice was right. I didn't matter. Not to them, Not to you. Not to anyone. All I could do was watch while you were forced to kill..and kill..And kill...And Kill. You killed Royalty, Godfathers, Drug Lords, Dictators, Assassins..Anyone..Everyone for a price. For three long years, you murdered without fail. Every target they marked you killed. Every time limit they set, you beat. Every rendezvous point they plotted you reached...except one. The one where Rice was waiting for you.
When Rice came back from the mission and told us what happened..He said that you didn't make the Rendezvous in time. That he had to abort the mission when they started taking fire. And that he saw you die. But I didn't want to believe him. You never told me what happened, How you survived. How you made your way back. Why didn't you tell me? For so long I held myself above Sutter and Rice. They made you kill.They were the ones using you. But all it took was one phone call to open my eyes and see I was just like them.
I always assumed it was Rice that cut you. He hurt you so many times in the past, he almost killed you twice. I never wanted to believe that it was you. The damage I've done, I can never forgive myself.
You couldn't stop what Rice made you do. But somehow you managed to save Henry and to tell me the truth. Which means there is hope, you showed me we failed, you are not a Weapon. You are a Child. Always remember you are not to blame. You didn't pick this life. We....forced it upon you. The blood that you have spilled is on my hands, not yours. And please understand why I must ask you to kill one last time. Because tonight what you do is right. Tonight, what you save is justice. Tonight you take back the life we stole from you.
I never wanted a family. My father stripped me of that desire. He took my childhood..My innocence...My life. And then I took yours. I became what I hated and feared the most....and you became my victim.
But then you showed me hope. Not when you saved Megan, but when you saved Henry. You showed me that we can choose to be something other than what we have been forced to be. That we can be something better than what we believe we are. And in that moment, you saved my life. All that matters to me now is that I save yours.
I wish we could just run away without anymore bloodshed. But if we don't stop them, they will never stop. They will do it all over again. They've already started.
After tonight we'll just keep moving and never look back. We'll start a new life..Have a future...Be a family. I'm sorry I waited so long to tell you these things. There is so much more that I want to tell you, and I will...But one thing you must always remember. No matter what has happened and no matter what may come. You are a child not a weapon. You are my child, you are my daughter and I love you. I will always love you, Laura.
Your mother
Sarah
